Does my bum look big in this?

By Sekai Mulwanda

The fashion conscious ones will say – whilst wearing a tulip shaped skirt — does my bum look good in this? The difference, well it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that big and good are two different words, but with two very different meanings, that tell you something about each individual. The ones who ask, “Does my bum look good in this?” show confidence with their bum’s existence, however massive it is, as long as what they’re wearing, makes it look good.  The body conscious, however ask, “Does my bum look big in this?” and that’s why on 8-out-of-10 occasions, you’re probably never truly comfortable with what you’re wearing.

It’s fashion week, the arena is packed and the buzz is electric with fellow designers and A-list stars all dressed to impress. Some are in extremely hazardous outfits, which cause their seated companion to tremble in fear, as they envision being struck with every movement of applause. Lights down, everyone seated, wish list ballots at hand and catwalk lit. Off The Map by Simian Mobile Disco starts to blare out of the speakers. The first model makes her entrance, she struts down the runway, every step a command for respect and a statement that says, “I am comfortable in my own skin.” The following models do the same, the audience are gob smacked and the designers alike speechless. Young Fathers Straight Back On It accompanies the finale. All the models emerge and three models walk forward. The others walk towards us backwards, and the designer takes the stage to be applauded for his great masterpiece and innovative designs. His outfit, an anti-climax to say the least.  He is dressed in what looks like a housecoat, but we have spoken too soon,  as he removes it to reveal the true definition of his collection. As the gown drops, so do the jaws of the shocked audience, nothing is left to imagination. We watch as the designer and his fellow naked models take a bow, and then walk off stage. There’s silence among the crowds, except for the tumble weed rolling across the catwalk, very appropriate, I think. After a further five minutes, Vivienne Westwood shouts “marvellous” and with every applause the ice breaks. As I follow the crowds out to the exit, I listen to the awkwardness as each try to swap opinions on the collection they just witnessed. What collection, I think to myself, the collection of naked torsos? I snigger, and in response I reply, yes, it was very exquisite!

9.00 am, I wake up after the night before confused.  I recall naked models and an equally naked designer. I try to retrace the steps in my mind.  My first thoughts, incorrect.  I hadn’t accidentally been invited to a nudist camp to watch their version of fashion week. In my dream, I was in fact at fashion week watching a very controversial arteest.

The name of his collection was “comfortable in your own skin?” His message very relevant in fact, although just in my imagination.  It’s also very true, we attend these shows in order to be marveled by the art.  However controversial and outrageous the designs are, many appreciate the creation, but under their breathe, they are saying, where on earth would I wear that and would I look as good?

Clothes are just shields for the true creation underneath them.  People like Gok Wan are speaking the same lingo.  He himself isn’t a nudist, but understands the idea that the most comfortable and the only outfit that would make you stand out in any crowd is your own skin. Better known as the birthday suit, but how many of us can put their hands up and say they’d be prepared to go out butt naked on their birthday, not even outside?  How many of us are comfortable walking stark naked within our own walls? We rely on clothes to say a lot about us, but if we were to strip those layers off, what would your own body say?

M.I.A rocked her pregnant bump in a House of Holland polka dot dress.  The same dress that slim model Agyness Deyn wore, but who looked better? I’d say they both did, Agnes with her cheeky grin, confidence, check. When it came to M.I.A, the only concern that people were talking about was the idea that she may give birth whilst performing on stage, but not even that worried her, let alone whether her bump looked big in her dress.  She obviously knew her bump was big, but she also knew she looked good. Confidence, check.

Let’s look at our ancestors,  the cave men and women. They pretty much lived their days in barely no clothing at all.  Obviously, they weren’t aware of the fashion revolution that was to follow, long after they were gone, but in a way we must envy them. I’m sure they knew how to look good naked, because their own skin and maybe a bit of animal skin, was all they had.

So, maybe we should have a more respective take on naturism too, because not every nudist is going to have model features, but they are comfortable in their own skin, and they promote a sense of self acceptance. Maybe, we should all try that some time…

Image credits: Glamour.com

Whispers speak louder than words, sound is better than silence, beautiful art is clumsy and fashion is music to my ears. Words by Sekai Mulwanda, 20, aspiring fashion columnist and hungry!!